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" Get away, that's impossible!" gasped the bartender."It's not," said the man. "The little bastard stuck a pin in all my condoms."This one is compliments of BobLife's Demerit System ... In the world of romance, one single rule applies:MAKE THE WOMAN HAPPY!Do something she likes, and you get points.Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted.You don't get any points for doing something she expects.Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a non-exhaustive guide to the point system:SIMPLE DUTIESYou make the bed. (+1)You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillows. (-10)You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-3)You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)But return with Beer. (-5)PROTECTIVE DUTIESYou check out a suspicious noise at night. (+1)You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing. (0)You check out a suspicious noise, and it is something. (+5)You pummel it with an iron rod. (+10)It's her pet Schnauzer. (-30)SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTSYou stay. One of them was fairly small and slender, with a pinched-looking face of the type that I'd heard compared to a ferret but that put me in mind of a rat. The other was much the largest of the three, with a bit of a paunch on him. Both of them, too, wore suits, but without the ties; the big guy had an explosion of chest hair visible under his open collar, and his hands looked pretty furry as well. Cesar Romero wouldn't have worried me if I'd run into him on the street; I wouldn't have cared to meet either of the others in even a moderately lit alley.It appeared that Susan's—well, Ariel's—senator pal had a second team. From Cesar Romero's soft Latin inflections, and the swarthy appearance of his cohorts, I wondered vaguely if he'd dug them up through his Mexican drug contacts."Now, Mr. Costain," Cesar Romero was saying, "you are quite correct that one of our assignments was to eliminate you. But—" he went on emphatically, gesturing me silent with his free hand even though I hadn't said a.
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